According to research spanning different cultures and time periods, only around 60% of people are secure in their relationships. This is partially due to the sense of bonding with our parents while growing up. Because of this, our parents can be called “attachment figures”. When they respond to our distress in a loving and supportive way, we learn that we can rely on them in difficult times. However, if this behavior does not materialize, child’s distress is ignored or downplayed, the child learns not to trust their attachment figures – this is often translated into adulthood and adult relationships. The attachment style we exhibit depends on two factors – attachment avoidance and anxiety. Those who rate low on both of these factors generally have a secure attachment. While these factors are typically stable over our lifetime, they can be change, but it can only be done through a lot of conscious effort. This can be more difficult to achieve as we age, but this obstacle is counterbalanced by life experiences that make us challenge some deeply rooted beliefs. Boosting one’s security can be done in many different ways such as a therapy or support from a partner. In any case, the secure human connection is a challenging goal for many, but positive outcome is extremely rewarding.
- People tend to form their perspectives of relationships at a young age. Kids who do not have supportive parents end up feeling insecure in relationships.
- People who had healthy relationships as a kid end up being able to be confident with the person they are with. They are able to have constructive conversations that help the relationship last.
- While people have pretty steady reliance on their already formed perceptions of closeness, people can change to become secure in relationship over time with hard work.
“These strategies, along with people’s thoughts and feelings about relationships, form the basis of a person’s attachment style in adulthood.”