by Joan C King, Ph.D.
Relationships, social connections, reach a height of development in humans. Scientists suggest that our large frontal lobe developed to facilitate such connections. Yet, as this Valentine’s Day approaches many shy away from connecting to that special person or fear connecting poorly and possibly being rejected.
What if NOW is the optimal time to hone your social skills and utilize your prefrontal lobe? Think of the person or people you want to connect to. What is it about them that you admire? What is it you would like them to know about you? What would your relationship with them be If you could express what you are yearning to communicate?
Pause for a moment now. Reflect upon the feelings that emerge as you consider these questions. If it is fear recognize that the fear rises up from your emotional brain and not your prefrontal lobe? Further, magnetic resonance imaging studies indicate that messages from the prefrontal lobe can calm the fear center of the emotional brain, the amygdala.
What messages from your prefrontal lobe would calm the fear center? Do the words, you are more than you have ever experienced yourself to be, calm your fear center? Maybe the message that fear exists only in your mind allows you to understand the control you have over the emergence of fear. How many times have you feared doing something and pushed through the fear doing it anyway? What did you experience after that? Exhilaration and realization that it was much easier than you thought it would be results.
What allures one person to connect to another? Allowing another to see us as we truly are is a gift beyond no other and one that requires tremendous courage. Isn’t it time to break out of the circle of fear which limits the possibilities of your life? The only way that someone can know who you truly are is if you reveal yourself to them. The risk of rejection looms large, but failure to reveal prevents connection.
The benefits of true connection, the delight of sharing, the infusion of expectation and fulfillment, the ecstasy of knowing the essence of another re engages us in the vitality of life.
[box type=”success” ]Oscar Wilde tells us,”You … love someone …because they sing a song only you can hear.”
You must sing your song for it to be heard.[/box]
This Valentine’s Day calm the fears that would paralyze you from singing your song. Find a way to communicate it via a note, a song, a poem, an invitation. Whatever it is, let it be a window into the essence of who you are. Let life renew you as you reach down into the depths of the flowing love that that connects us all. We humans are designed for it. Our brains are specialized for it. Use the power of our prefrontal lobes to transcend fear, reveal the truth of who we are, enriching our participation in life.