January 27


Why People Fail at Authenticity

By Wendy Reese

relationships, unconditional love

By Wendy Reese

Authenticity is complex, rich, in fashion, and tritely vague. Be authentic is the mantra of our times and yet, in many ways that is impossible. Each person carries the genes of their ancestors. Traced far enough back, there is a good likelihood it is likely that everyone shares an original DNA, which means everyone is interconnected, unique, different, and yet the same. I believe the same is true of our essence, the energy of Love or the energy of the Divine that we bring into our bodies in this lifetime. Yes, in other words, I just said we are all the energy of God. As such, you have the power to create or destroy. Therein lies one of the ways you uniquely express our energy of Love.

Although we bring the energy of everything into this life, as humans, we learn limitations that constrain our power to create or destroy. Ironically those limitations are probably exactly why we are here in this life; to be able to experience the totality of the Divine qualities of both shadow and light. As humans, we often get stuck in the limitations. We have created virtues for these limitations; good and bad, right and wrong. We create expectations around the virtues to validate the limitations. Those become subconscious ways of living as we seek validations for the limitations in a constant game of manipulation that looks like, “If…then.” Two common examples are, “If you love me, then you would…” and “If you were good, you would…”

Virtues are easy to get hung up in as they are typically enforced with guilt, blame, and shame when invalidated. Your essence will constantly struggle for the equilibrium of grace, poised between the shadow and light, loving unconditionally. Out-of-balance, anger, meanness, and rage are drawn upon to cut through the falseness of the illusions being played with and in. These emotions are like little warning sensors that remind us when we need to use our power to destroy the falsehood and create harmony.

bigstock-Mature-couple-enjoying-candlel-24798524When you are willing to step out of the limitations, yours or others, you begin to live authentically. There is a freedom in the grace of authenticity. You can love unconditionally and refuse to play in the limitations. In fact, loving unconditionally is precisely why you choose not to validate or even destroy the limitations. This is a bold and courageous choice because there is no room for growth, expansion, or authenticity in an imbalanced relationship where one party chooses to remain a victim. If they are unable to be justified and satisfy their needs of support, love and understanding, they will seek their needs elsewhere. Loss is a challenge for everyone, even when the loss is perhaps the most beneficial outcome.

Interestingly, what I have come to intimately know, is that when you make the choice to create authentically and destroy the illusion, even though some relationships end, the quality of each new relationship is much more rewarding.

As you move into the new year, look at all of the ways that you have played small, held back, helped to reinforce someone else’s limitations. Look at all the ways you felt you were unworthy, not good enough, or afraid. Look at the relationships in your life, asking which fuels you and which drains you. What are you ready to surrender? How are you ready to play in your life that feels more expansive, free, and joyful?

As you seek ways to destroy the limitations in your life, remember that loving unconditionally is still the most authentic expression you have in this life. There is room to say, “I don’t want to play this way anymore” and still love the person who is engaged in the limiting behavior. This is creating the space of grace to make their own choice to break free or move on to someone else who will play small together. Ultimately, the person you love deepest, most unconditionally when you make the choice to be authentic is yourself. You deserve that love.

About the author

Wendy Reese, MA is author of “Just Tell Me What To Do!” A guide to becoming the true YOU, an intuitive guide, confidence and courage mentor, and part-time superhero for socially conscious business leaders and entrepreneurs. Wendy has been helping people reach their purest potential in spirit, mind, and body for over 20 years. She has a special gift for getting to the roots of what keeps people stuck, lovingly and without judgment, guides them to bring harmony and healing, infusing them with her magical energy of inspiration, motivation, acceptance, and grace (and some hearty laughs at just the right time). You can learn more at www.wholebeinginc.com.

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