by Wendy Reese
I had a mentor who used to tell me “fake it till you make it.” It didn’t really work. I mean sure, when you’re in a funk you can watch comedy until you feel better. Your intention, though, is to feel better. Maybe your intention is to be confident, courageous, and awesome, but deep down, you don’t believe it. You want to, but you just don’t and no matter how hard you try, the funk sticks around like a low grade fever, slowly wearing you down.
If your internal dialog isn’t matching your external message, people will struggle to trust you and probably wouldn’t even be able to say why. “There’s just something that doesn’t feel right” is all they can say as to why they don’t choose to be around you, do business with you, seek your energy/advice/time.
To shift into alignment, start with your doubts. Why do you doubt yourself?
Who was it that originally gave you the message, whether a look, word, or action, that let you know you being fully you – loveable, creative, and gifted – wasn’t okay?
Who made you feel like you needed to tone it down, be something (or someone) else in order to feel safe, accepted, worthy, or loved?
You just may still be trying to follow by those rules to appease that person even if they are no longer in your life. The rules only still apply if you choose to follow them. Are you willing to set some new rules? Are you willing to take a chance on finding people who will love, accept, and embrace you for you? The part of your mind that likes to keep you safe is going to tell you all the reasons why you should stay put and keep on keeping on. Counter that defense with a simple question, “Is that true; am I really safe and accepted for me now?” If it’s not true, simply thank your mind and ask it to join you, as it is clearly strong and brave, on this journey to playing big.
Now, let’s get courageously honest. What would happen if you showed up fully to do your “why”? Yes, there are going to be people who leave your life. Their limitations are validated by your limitations. When you no longer play in your limited form, they either have to step up or go away. Simple as that. Yes, I get that it is painful when you love the person. Particularly family, significant other, or best friend. And yes, you’ll always wonder what happened. Here’s what I promise you – there will be others waiting for you on the other side of the limitations. People who have been waiting for you to show up fully, to bring your unique gifts and passions alive in the world. They’ll be accepting and loving. As you show up and they show up, you find you have more energy. You have more of everything, really. Especially more ease because you’re no longer fighting to be something you’re not with people who are someone they aren’t.
Take inspired action. If you explored these 2 big questions today, give yourself permission to dream big for a moment. How would that look if you showed up fully to do your “why”? What would be different? What’s one thing you can do immediately to get closer to that dream? As you begin to take inspired action, you will see the ripple effects through all areas in your life. While change will take time, committing to play by your rules, in your highest form, will get you further faster than you can possible imagine.